Echoes of a somber heart

I've always been good at this.......... at coping with change. pain. adapting. bein strong... Life isn't always fair, I know... so I smile, laugh, joke around though deep inside my heart feels anything but happy... I know I shouldn't be this way... Others might even say im OA... I know he will come back... That this is all for the best... I keep saying these to myself too.... But when alone, and the melancholy lingers, the only sound I ever hear are the echoes of a somber heart... then there's no other way for the tears but fall...

Top 10 things to do when feeling blue

1. Read, read, read

2. Watch whole seasons of House, CSI

3. Chat with friends

4. Listen to sad songs endlessly

5. Satisfy cravings (i.e, eat! Tacos, Chocolates... yummy!!! hehe)

6. Buy dress!

7. Buy great shoes!

8. Have hair cut

9. Attend a friend's wedding

10. <@ the wedding>> Make sure to have a goofy date ;)

The Invitation

It was a pretty unusual Roy-free Friday night for me last week. I am meeting with my friend - at RGL - Belle who is also my former officemate at THE BODY SHOP HR & my 'kumare' too. I have to give to her the Invitation to Jerlyn's wedding on the 28th. Jerlyn is a former OJT of mine at THE BODY SHOP too before... She's such a jolly, quirky, zestful gal and I'm glad she's gettin married to the man she loves :D It just seems like yesterday when Jerlyn and I worked together at TBS... and it seems just a few months ago that she graduated from college, got a job, intro. me to this future-hub of hers, hmmm, time does fly by... fast...

Belle and I met at, of course, TBS!!! Hehehe, lots of memories here... good, nice, pleasant, etc., etc., hehehe... But seriously, I'm REALLY REALLY glad about meeting Bel... I do miss her a lot! I remember she was my seatmate when I was still at TBS... before, during and after my 'conceiving' days, hehehe ;) while she was busy dealing with the ever-tedious benefits then, i was practically screening-24/7 there and that's where/how she became my 'kumare'...

I dragged her to eat at Chaikofi, which is an open-resto at the newly opened East Wing of RGL ;) We both had Lasagna and Tea ;) Believe it or not, I just thought we'll just exchange some questions/stories to catch up on what's happening on each other's lives. BUT more than that, twas a night wherein I learned a lot... a lot of things that I actually already knew before but am ignoring... Let's just say it's selective amnesia... Funny how we can easily forget or erase in our memory stuff that we already know because we don't bother to take time out to consider others' no matter how we say they mean a lot to us...

More than anything else, for me, twas a night of some significant awakening.... It was one important night of 'the Invitation'... inviting important thoughts I ignored a looong time ago...

Monasteryo de Santa Clara at mga panalangin para sa isang kaibigan

Sabado ng hapon noon. Nagkita kami ni Gracia (di nya tunay na pangalan) sa lugar na ito na isa sa mga paborito kung lugar… Ang Monasteryo de Santa Clara… Dito, madalas magdasal ang mga tao, mga Katoliko, kadalasan ay panalangin para sa maganda at kaaya ayang panahon… Mga dasal petisyon na may alay na hinahandog sa monasteryo (Cloister sisters) – kadalasan ang alay ay itlog. Mahigit na sampung taon nang una akong nagtungo sa Monasteryong ito. Ngunit kahit yata paulit ulit akong bumalik sa lugar ay hindi ako magsasawa. Talagang may katangi tanging katahimikan na madarama sa lugar na ito. Bago pa man dumating ang aking kaibigan ay nakapagdasal na ako, nakapagsulat ng petisyon at nagtungo sa imahe at fountain… Nakakatuwang isipin na magkikita kami muli nina Gracia ngunit nakakalungkot din dahil naisip ko na maaaring may pagdadalamhati pa rin sa puso ng aking kaibigan, na maaring wala pa ring pagpapatawad sa isang taong nagkasala… Tunay nga, sa kanyang pagdatng, ito’y aking naitanong at ika nga n’ya: “wala pa din talaga s’ya sa puntong iyon – ng pagpapatawad… at hindi rin ito madali…”… Sa muli naming pagdadasal, aking naisip at ipinalangin ang aking kaibigan – na sana’y magkaroon na ng katahimikan… pagpapatawad… at sana nawa’y makahanap ng mga kasagutan sa mga tanong na pinagdadaanan n’ya sa buhay… (akin ding ipinagdasal pa ang lahat ng aking mga kaibigan, na nawa'y mkamatan na nila ang kanilang mga inaasam-asam)... Totoo ngang masarap magmahal ngunit napakasakit naman ang masaktan ng isang taong iyong pinagkatiwalaan at minahal ng matagal na panahon…. hay…

Saint Claire’s Monastery and prayers for a friend

It was Saturday afternoon then. Me and my friend - Gracia (not her real name) decided to meet in one of my most favorite places… the Monastery of Saint Claire… Here, people frequently drops by to pray, Catholics usually, to pray for a good weather… Lots of prayer-petitions are also done here, usually with offering for the Cloister sisters (nuns who have vowed to take their vocation by turning their backs to Earthly pursuits, they are not to show themselves to the people who flock the place and their clothes cover their whole body) – usually, the offerings for the monastery are eggs. It’s been ten years since I first set my foot in this Monastery. But although I come here over and over again, I will not get tired of it. There’s a special kind of peacefulness felt. Before my friend came, I was able to pray already, write my petition and went to the St. Claire Image/Relic inside, then, I went to the fountain… It is kind of amusing to think that I’m gonna meet again with my friends Gracia but it’s also sad because I think there still might be sorrow in her heart, that it might not be possible to forgive the person who did her wrong… Indeed, I asked her when she arrived, and she did say “ she’s not yet on that point – of forgiveness… that this is not easy…"… When we prayed again, my thoughts turned to my friend and I prayed for her again – hoping that there’ll be peace… forgiveness… and wishing that she may find answers to the questions of life... what she’s undergoing now…. (I also prayed then for all my friends, wishing they'd get what their heart truly desires) True, it is good to love but it is very painful to be hurt by the one you trusted and loved for a long time…sigh…

On Men

There's no sin in loving men. Only pain! -- "Ally McBeal"

Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? -- "Monica Geller" (on Friends)

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange. -- Robin Morgan

Do you have any idea what's available to a woman of 33? Married men. Drunks. Pretty boys looking for someone to support them. Lunatics looking for their fifth divorce! It's quite a list, isn't it?-- "Sylvia Crewes" (in The Tender Trap)

Men think less of other men’s writing, but more of other men’s wives. -- Chinese Proverb

There are big men, men of intellect, intellectual men, men of talent and men of action; but the great man is difficult to find, and it needs—apart from discernment—a certain greatness to find him. -- Margot Asquith

Some men have a necessity to be mean, as if they were exercising a faculty which they had to partially neglect since early childhood. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

All men are somewhat ridiculous and grotesque, just because they are men -- Friedrich Von Schlegel

Men have two purposes in life: reproduction and to open those friggin jars. -- Irene

Men have one advantage in life, they can pee on a tree. -- Irene

Men are good for one thing, and how often do you need to parallel park? -- Unknown (originally appeared in Reader's Digest)

Men never do anything right, and if they do something right, they'll never do it again. -- Unknown

The only good men are dating each other. -- Unknown

Men adore me, until I show my intelligence, assertiveness and independence. Then I suddenly seem to be a BITCH! Men are such fearful creatures! - Unknown

Men are a luxury, not a necessity. - Cher

There are easier things then finding a good man; nailing jello to the wall for instance... -Unknown

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, and the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. -Unknown

Lastly,

No man is worth your tears and the one that is, won't make you cry. -Unknown

What If by Coldplay

"What If?"

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Oh - Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
Let's take a breath, jump over the side.
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
You know that darkness always turns into light.
Ooh-ooh, that's right

Marshmallow Man

Who doesn't love this fluffy fella from Ghostbusters... Though he was a villain there actually... admit it: he's sooo very very cute!!! For those who doesn't know him, Stay Puft is the character that emerged to destroy the world in the Ghostbuster's the movie... The Ghostbusters were told by their nemesis then that whoever come to their minds 1st will be the creature to destroy them and the earth... And one of the Ghostbusters (I think, either Egon or Ray) thought of this fella because, as he said, he can't imagine Mr. Puft being a bad monster... But well, yeah, he did become BAD!!!! Hahaha... Such a cool character for a villain and sooo CUTE too!!!! hehehe...

The Marsio Surprise!

Wow! July 2 was unbelievable! Finally met Akoi, Ray, Nila, MARSIO!!!!

Actually Akoi, Ray, Nila surprised me and didnt say we're goin to Marsio's place and wow! I was soooo surpised and shocked I think I acted a bit 'gila' (crazy)! haeuhaeuhaeuhaeuhaeu.... Like, OMG! I scream, my face burned, I was tongue tied, my mind just went _____________ blank! OMG! OMG! Unbelievable! My bestfriend, Meg was like, "Chin, Ikaw ba yan?" Like saying "Chin, is that really you?" coz she had never ever seen me like this and never thought she ever will. Whew!!! Such a wonderful meeting! Great, great, great day!

It was really sweet of them to make such a surprise, thanks to you three! mwah! mwah!

Bali Beautiful

(sigh) Bali.....

I love the place... The short drive from the airport to the hotel where we stayed was pleasant.. We settled at their resto for awhile before deciding to go to the beach for a swim... Only drawback that morning was we walked a lot, which I dont mind really but well, my friend does... poor Meg, she's pretty exhausted from all the walking and we finally reached the so-called beach, but well we decided to walk more to a more 'swimmable' (pardon my new word) area. We've reached one and soaked for awhile and it is really just 'a while' literally coz we decided to go back to the hotel, dipped at their cute pool and dress up for our next destination. We're headed to the Gold/Silver Shop wherein I bought some 'pasalubong' (souvenir) for Mommy and Chummy (my sister). Meg bought some too for herself and her sister too... Then, we're off to Tanah Lot...

Unfortunately, we encountered a ROADBLOCK!!! (very TARA)... We got stuck on a road goin there bec. of a mis-hap wherein a truck's content blocked the not-so-big street. When we reached Tanah Lot, the sun's already down but the skies' still gleaming with silver gray hues... My first sight of the temple, i was really moved, I was near tears (sigh)... This is the kind of place you will feel you're near HIM -- THE CREATOR... (sigh) very BEAUTIFUL place!!!!!

When we left Tanah Lot, we're soo very famished, I swear I want to load lots of Carbohydrates that time, LOL ... What better way to satisfy this hunger than to go to Jimbaran!!! It's actually a long stretch of dining haven by the sea... You will order fresh seafood that'll be cooked for you, instantly... Aside from the frsh seafood, the very relaxing atmosphere by the seashore: the night sky, the seabreeze, music playing and waves (ombak) coming and going will truly make any weary soul calm and rested... WE had Squid, Red Snapper, Clams, and Tom Yam soup, which, I kinda regret coz I ordered it Spicy coz I thought I like Spicy food well apparently I thought wrong, hihihi... But over-all the evening at Jimbaran was wonderful... After our dining experience by the sea, I thought we can still hop to Kuta Square and shop but they're already closed by this time.... So we just headed back to the hotel and zzzzzzzzz......

I actually had a good night's sleep after a loooong while... But I woke up at 3 a.m. I always do, unfortunately)... With nothing to do, I scoured my bag, looking for a pen and paper coz I thought of writing a letter to my dear friends whom we will meet come Monday: King, MissU & of course Manis :P But my restlessness actually disturbed my friend's sleep (hihihi, sorry, Meg).. After about 30-45 minutes of restlessness, I've finally convinced myself to rest again so I did and woke up about 6 a.m.

Day 2 which is also our last day in Bali (hiksssss.....) started witha Buffet Breakfast... Then we went to Nusa Dua... This place we went to is like a park/beach which actually reminded me a lot of my mom's hometown - Guimaras... It really did seem like Guimaras with its laid back atmosphere, friendly folks, light colored sand; only thing lacking is the brimming Mango groves, hihihi.... We took some photos here and dipped in the cool cool water.... Then we went back to the hotel for our...

SPA! I had Balinese massage while Meg had Hot Stone Massage which is GREAT!!!! One and a half hour of such a wonderful / relaxing experience!!!

After this, we headed to Ubud for a lunch at Padi Prada overlooking some paddy fields... I had Nasi Goreng while Meg had Red Snapper (again)... She also ordered Choco-Milkshake and was a bit disappointed coz twas, she said, not as sweet as she expected it to be... Oh well, but the dessert made up for the disappointment, I think... The Banana Crepe was absolutely YUMMY!!!

After this, we decided to cancel the Elephant Safari thingy and go direct to Tampak Siring which I kinda regret. Not that I didn't like Tampak Siring... It's just that Meg really really really wanna ride the Elephant and I wish we just went there, to make my friend happy, despite the time constraint... We just took some snapshots at Tampak Siring and move on to:

Sukawati Art Market. This seems like Divisoria in Manila wherein one has to haggle and haggle and haggle till you get the price you want.. Kinda tiring but exciting at the same time, hihihi... Plus, vendors actually thought we're Indonesians so they're speaking to us in BI always which added to the chaos. LOL. We bought a lot here like Shawl, Sarong, Kid's clothes, Belt, Blouse, fancy earrings, Shirts, etc., etc.

After Sukawati, it's Kuta Square time but our Shopping was cut short coz we wanna Check-In at the a/p on time... and hiksss, it's nearly goodbye-Bali time... So we ordered fast food at McDonald's and flagged a taxi back to the hotel wherein a Van will transport us to the a/p...

So our bags and stuff were loaded to the Van and like true TARA fashion, we hurriedly arranged most of our stuff while at the Car; Meg ate her Nuggest while I was wearing my socks/shoes...

:(

Now, this is indeed Goodbye Bali... Hopefully, I can come back to this beautiful island next time with more days to spend... (sigh)

Flights

Friday. June 29. Less than 2 hours before our 8:55 p.m. flight and we're (Meg & I) still stuck in traffic nearby Ortigas, just around the corner from our offices. Will we make it on time? ..... We actually did make it around an hour before our flight but when we got there, nothing's happening really. There were like 10 of us on three separate queues but no movement at all. The CebPac ladies aren't checking any of us IN. First, they wouldn't tell us why. Then, they said their system/computer is down. Eventually, everyone got restless and they finally admit it: they're over-booked. WTF??? f$%^%$^^ how can that happen??? Okay, okay if it is indeed possible for somethin like this to happen, the airline must've learned about it in advance right? And should've informed us - passengers way in advance too. Now, at this point, I'm really gettin MAD! Since nothing is and seems nothing ever will happen to the queue, I went to their Supervisor to demand we got on that flight since we have a plane to catch the next day (to DPS)... Now, this Supervisor said, of course, they're doin everything they can: trying to get PAL (Phil. Airlines) to accomodate other passengers (that must be us) on their flight the next day AND/OR they're talking to passengers aboard also who'd be willing to get off, those who will will be booked overnight and given free tickets... 15 minutes.... 30 minutes... 45 minutes have passed and still.... NIL.............................................................................................. Finally, at around 9 p.m., those who came in before us we're allowed to check in.... After this, we're the only two left and of course, This really got me furious by this time so I again approached the Supervisor who just told me we're next to be called. Actually we're next an dlast to be called. And so finally, they Checked us In and they hurriedly assist us to the TravelTax, BI/Customs... and they even politely asked us to walk in fast pace. So Meg and I finally boarded the plane and the as we did, they closed the doors and off to JKT - Finally! Finally! Btw, some turbulence on the way to CGK but my friend, who's sound asleep didnt know a thing about it... We landed at CGK at 11:30 p.m. and met Ray there, Whew!

A few hours to waste while waiting for the Check In counter of Garuda to open... of course, my dear friend's asleep again... One thing I learned about this trip is that I really can't sleep on airports or airplanes or probably it's just that I cannot sleep without the comforts of a fluffy bed and my favorite pillow... So I walked, took pictures, met this cute little girl, etc... And although I literally didn't have any sleep, I'm just happy we're finally boarding this GA flight...

Nice flight on the way to Bali. GA was efficient, warm and pleasant.I was amazed actually with the view from my window seat... What's wonderful about this flight is that the sun's also rising as our plane's ascending! Magnificent view of the seemingly endless ocean, the fluffy clouds, blue skies you can almost touch oh and that spectacular view of the volcano's crater - AMAZING!


Sunday. July 1. We wanted to make it to the a/p as soon as possible coz we don't wanna be late this time. So against our will, we cut our shopping time short and head to the a/p nearly 2 hours before our flight which is the last flight out to Jkt thru AA. Much to our dismay, we learned at the AA Check In counter that our flight will be delayed. Instead of leaving Dps 11 p.m., our flight will leave at 12:20 a.m. So instead of flying out at July 1, we'll do so July 2... Now a little before 12 midnight, with hordes of AA passengers at the a/p, we were told that there'd be 20 more minutes of delay.... I swear, I am soooo exhausted at this time coz although we're there at the a/p for nearly 3 hours and a half, I can't even take a nap, waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! So, 12:40 finally came and everyone rushed and rushed out of the gate to the plane... At this point, my friend and I were just wondering, 'why the hell are people running to the plane?', so, it's bec. there's no assigned seat no. in AA flights hence you must run if you wanna get a good seat, wow, very very interesting, LOL....

Goin back to Manila via CebPac was generally okay... not much turbulence... and also the stars were shining oh so brightly that night.... Me, enjoying my window seat... I was also still thinkin of Indon. at this time and how it seems I miss the people/place already.... (sigh)... and I also got to NAP, finally! maybe around 15 minutes! All's goin well, really well maybe except for that foreigner (American, I think) that's a row ahead of me and Meg... He occupied all three seats ahead of us and slept, he did made some loud noises, like snore, in his pre-R.E.M. state and then BLAG! he fell from the seat... LOL! and that's what I will remember about that flight..... hehehe

P.S.

Cebu Pacific tagline: "It's time everyone flies"

my suggestion: "It's time everyone gets stressed out THEN, flies"

AirAsia tagline: "Now everyone can fly"

my suggestion: "Now everyone can fly, BUT...... delayed"